You can call me Ray, or you can call me Jay, or you can call me Johnny or you can call me Sonny, but you doesn’t hasta call me IMAX!

Not doing much in terms of movie-watching, but I do have a couple boxes full of trash movies on VHS I might hit up and do rundowns/reviews for. I’m thinking of doing some more Not-So-Random Moments with them as well. If you haven’t checked out my previous NSRM videos, by all means do so now. Jerk.

I also went to see Star Trek again at my local neighborhood theater, where they’ve recently retrofitted one of their auditoriums to present films in IMAX, albeit the “fake IMAX” that guys like Aziz Ansari and Roger Ebert have been railing against. I wanted to see the difference for myself between real IMAX and fake IMAX.

It appeared that they removed the old screen, replaced it with a slightly larger one, removed the first few rows of seats, and brought the screen closer to the audience. It looked like a bit of a Mickey Mouse job when the lights were on, made even more ugly with the early ’80s red & mustard colored carpeting they soundproofed the walls with. But once the lights went down, the room didn’t look so ghetto anymore. I don’t know if this is how things are going to be at this particular fake IMAX from now, but the film immediately started without trailers or advertisements. That’s going to be tough for people who show up a little late but depend on the fifteen minutes of trailers to save them from missing anything. The film looked great (one of the better digital presentations I’ve seen) and the sound was kickass, some real turned-up-to-11 madness. I’m sure some sensitive soul will complain about the sound, and hopefully the staff will tell this kindly gentle being to kindly and gently go fuck him or herself. Once you get over the fact that you’re not going to watch the movie on a giant square-shaped IMAX screen, you’re still left with a top-notch presentation of the film.

My main problem is that they’re charging the full IMAX price for it, and this shit is definitely not worth the extra $5 bucks. Maybe $2, but sure as hell not $5, especially in this economy. There’s a real IMAX theater about twenty minutes away from me, another about twenty-five minutes away, and one more thirty minutes away from me. There’s no reason to go to this fake one again unless I get really stingy with my gas money (and given the rising gas prices, that just might be the case soon).

But even then, I can only hope that I’m not watching a film featuring sequences shot in the IMAX format that will fill up the entire frame from top to bottom, like The Dark Knight or Transformers: Bay’s Gonna Get Dat Ass. Since the fake IMAX screen is just a bigger version of your average rectangular theater frame, you won’t get that extra kick of watching parts of the movie on a screen that’s so overwhelming that you feel like you’re going to fall inside. *That’s* the WOW factor when it comes to IMAX, not the great picture and sound. Shit, if anything, great picture and sound should be expected from EVERY theater experience, not paid extra for.

The truth is that I’ve seen movies that looked and sounded just as good as this fake IMAX presentation, it was at a theater in L.A. called the Arclight Cinemas. The bitch of it is that the Arclight’s a little cheaper. Sure, you have to pay for parking sometimes and you spend a little gas money to get there if you’re not from the city, but at least you can pick your seat when buying a ticket and have a drink at the bar before the show. All that’s missing from this fake IMAX is some usher coming up front to introduce the movie, and the cool way the lights went down and everything went blue for a while as the wide and curved Cinerama Dome screen opened up. Dome — that’s a funny word. Reminds me of this dude I used to work with a few years ago at a warehouse. According to another friend who worked there shortly after I left, this guy had the habit of asking his male co-workers to “dome” him, as in, “Hey fool, dome me”. Make of that what you will.

So, only four other people were in the theater during this showing of Star Trek, but that could be because the flick’s already over a month old and I saw this on a Monday afternoon. Maybe when Bayformers comes out, people will buy tickets in droves. But will they want to come back for other IMAX flicks? Maybe not your average working Joe, but there are a lot of well-off Asians in this neighborhood with money to burn, so I’m sure they’ll do good business and IMAX won’t learn their lesson. Oh well, as long as they leave the original IMAX’s alone, I’m cool. But if they decide to tear those down just so they can build smaller fake IMAX theaters in its place, then I will demand revolution like all of those Iranians — in my head. C’mon, I’m too lazy to put my money where my mouth is and actually do something. Fuck THAT shit. Most likely, I’ll just sigh and pay my $15 bucks for fake IMAX.

Switching topics, here’s a clip of those Fire David Letterman protesters. First there’s some quick advertising bullshit to put up with, but then the video is next. God bless them, I guess they needed something to do, since they’re probably retired. Some of them though are real cunts, both male and female. They need a visit from my old co-worker with the “Dome” fascination. The best parts of this video were the appearances of East Side Dave from the Ron & Fez radio show infiltrating the group as a “right-wing” protester, and Sal & Richard from the Howard Stern show, showing up in the background as two guys who…uh, you’ll know it when you see it.

P.S. Dome me.


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